


Meaning

by vials



Series: Wait For Me To Come Home [3]
Category: London Spy
Genre: M/M, on the one hand there's a reunion, on the other hand it's still a bit angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 10:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8663215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vials/pseuds/vials
Summary: Following Alex's instructions without getting followed turns out to be the easiest part of Danny's night.





	

The riverside was deserted.

Danny hurried quickly down the pathway, though not quickly enough that he would draw attention to himself. He kept his pace brisk, hoping that to all who saw him, he would simply look as though he were trying to stay warm. Out of the corner of his eye, he counted the lampposts as he passed them. Three more to go, then two, then one.

He sat down on the bench just past the last lamppost, his heart thudding in his chest. Stretching his legs out, he waited for several minutes, his ears straining to hear any sound that stood out to him. He heard nothing, and after a quick glance around, saw nothing as well. Slowly, still glancing around himself, he leaned forward. 

His hand swept quickly along the underside of the bench, feeling first nothing, and then sudden plastic. Working his fingernails quickly, Danny prised the sticky tape from the bench and pulled the object free. He shoved it into his pocket without looking at it, sat for another few minutes, and then stood up, ambling more slowly on his way.

He didn’t dare look at it until he was safely in the back of a taxi, moving quickly through the now deserted streets. The road behind them was clear of any cars; the taxi driver was occupied with his phone conversation, talking rapidly into the headset at his ear. Danny was completely alone in the back – probably the first time he had been completely unwatched in a while. The anonymity was comforting, and as the streetlights outside became more consistently placed, he slowly reached a hand into his pocket and slid the object out.

It was a key, attached to a keyring that at first looked like a large piece of plain plastic. Danny felt groves in the other side; turning it over, he saw a number, and below it, smaller, the name of a hotel. The plastic was chipped slightly, the ink in the grooves that made up the lettering faded, and Danny got the impression that wherever this hotel was, it wasn’t exactly the usual fare that Alex would associate with. Not that that was surprising – on the one hand Danny knew for a fact that Alex absolutely hated that kind of thing, but there was also the fact that if Alex was there, he was trying not to be noticed. Danny found himself wondering just how Alex was going to blend in to a place like that, if he was even there at all.

Not for the first time, Danny reminded himself not to get his hopes up. Yes, it had been Alex’s voice on the phone, undeniably, but that didn’t mean that he was in the country and it didn’t mean that there wasn’t something dangerous going on. The whole thing was dangerous, but as much as it pained him, Danny reminded himself constantly of what these people were capable of. There was just as much chance that he was being lured somewhere so they could both be finished off. 

The taxi slowed to a crawl, and then stopped. Danny had no idea where he was, but Alex’s instructions were still clear in his mind.

He wasn’t sure if it was a coincidence or simply the easiest way of doing things, but Danny liked to think that Alex had remembered the fact that he was very much landmark-based when it came to navigating. Danny would forget street names almost as soon as he was told them, but if someone told him to turn at the house with the red letterbox, he would remember it without a problem. Maybe that was why he was now quickly navigating down the street on obscure clues; a left a the house with the green door, straight ahead past the house with last year’s election poster still in the window, another left when he reached an abandoned bike chained to the fence, now missing both of its wheels.

Danny got the idea that the route was overly convoluted for a reason; he would frequently glance back as he turned down new roads, half expecting to see a car tailing him or a person on foot lingering just behind him. There was no one there, but it didn’t stop the hairs on the back of his neck prickling at every noise, real or imagined.

Eventually Danny re-joined a street that had a little life to it. He was nervous at first, every face posing a threat, but he quickly realised that at this time of the night most of the people around him were drunk and completely unconcerned with what he was doing and where he was going. 

“Oi! Got a light?”

Smokers seemed to be able to tell who was another smoker; Danny still jumped out of his skin, his hand trembling slightly as he handed the man a lighter. He searched his face for a brief moment, wondering if it was a trap, or a stall, but the man was around his age and just lit his cigarette with a quick smile.

“Cheers,” he said, handing Danny his lighter back, and with that he was on his way. Danny would have liked to have the chance to catch his breath, but he quickly realised that time wasn’t something he had, and there was also the fact that he was certain he might lose his nerve if he allowed himself to think too much about it. 

The hotel wasn’t much further away. He made it in under two minutes and wasn’t surprised to see it was a very run-down affair, though not dirty. Old, definitely, and in need of a lot of refurbishment, but the reception area was clean and the lady behind the desk friendly but not overly interested in what Danny was doing, showing up at such a time already with a key. He wondered for a moment if that would be a problem; only when he had walked past her with nothing more than a polite greeting did he realise that of course Alex would have timed it all for a shift change. She probably had no idea he wasn’t supposed to be here.

But he was. He had been told to come here, had he not? He had been given that permission, in a way, though he had no idea who he was trying to defend himself against. 

Danny climbed the first flight of stairs and then took a left into a hallway. The carpet was thread-bare, the wallpaper in serious need of a change, and the only real colour came from the occasional sign plastered directly onto the wallpaper itself, reminding guests that 10pm until 7am was quiet time. The place was so dead that Danny found it amusing to think that those signs had ever been needed; he walked past several more of them, realising the hallway must spread out over the buildings either side of the hotel, too. He thought about the receptionist, far below and far behind him, and wondered, ridiculously, if she might be on the phone to someone about him right now.

The room was at the very far end of the hall, opposite a storage cupboard. There was a window next to him, not quite fitting properly, and Danny could feel a slight chill on his skin as he fumbled with the key, making him realise how warm he was. It only hit him now that he had no idea what would be in this room; all Alex had told him was that further instructions awaited him there; the ones he had given over the phone ended here. It felt odd not knocking, but Danny was under strict instruction not to. He heard the lock click open and pulled the key out, taking a deep breath before pushing it open and stepping inside.

He let the door close behind him, but even if he had intended to let it close a little more quietly, he wouldn’t have been able to. He knew immediately that there was someone else in the room, even before the obvious clues revealed themselves: the light was on beside the bed, there was a case tucked under the clothing rail. Danny felt it before he even acknowledged the other signs, feeling the presence as strongly as if he had seen the person standing there. 

As in most hotel rooms, he couldn’t see the bed from the door. The bathroom blocked it, and Danny wondered if he would have the nerve to walk forward the few feet to see who was there. Luckily he didn’t have to do that. He heard someone get up off the bed, their steps cautious, and then Alex was standing right in front of him.

They stared at one another for a moment; Danny could feel he was already crying. Alex looked so different, his hair longer, his clothing nothing like the well-fitted, expensive things Danny remembered him in. He was dressed so normally that Danny almost didn’t recognise him, in jeans and a hoodie, and he even had some scruff on his face from several days without shaving. For a horrible moment Danny wondered if it was a trap, if it was just someone who looked like him, if this was just another layer in whatever the fuck was going on but then Alex said his name and Danny knew it was him.

“Danny?” he asked again, when Danny remained silent, and then all Danny could do was let out a choked sob, clearing the distance between them in a split second and throwing his arms around him with enough force that he knocked him back several steps. 

“Alex,” he mumbled, burying his face against him, and they stayed like that far too briefly before Alex gently pushed him back, holding him by the shoulders and scanning his face.

“You weren’t followed?” he asked quickly, and Danny frowned and shook his head.

“No.”

“You followed the instructions? You didn’t deviate?”

“I took the fall back option in case someone was listening to the phone conversations,” Danny said. “I took the taxi fifteen minutes later instead of the tube.”

Alex looked at him again, _really_ looked at him, and it took Danny a moment to realise he was proud. 

“That was clever,” he said, and Danny gave a small smile.

“I’ve been known for that, on occasion,” he said.

“You learn fast,” Alex said, and then he frowned, a shadow passing over his features that told Danny that whatever his words had reminded him of, it wasn’t pleasant. Alex didn’t elaborate, but Danny hadn’t expected him to. “I suppose you have questions,” he added, and Danny glanced around the room, seeing that Alex didn’t have much with him aside from the clothes hanging up and a laptop in sleep mode on the desk.

“Yeah,” Danny said, and he had expected to say more, to launch into everything he had wanted to ask for months, but he found all the words had stuck in his throat. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he said, because he had to say something. “I thought – well, obviously I thought you were dead, but I don’t understand how you’re— I mean, I saw—”

Danny broke off suddenly, realising that it was the first time he had let himself think about that moment. He had revisited the attic countless times over the last few months, searching incessantly for answers, but he had always avoided that moment, when he had seen what had been in the trunk. Even now, knowing it couldn’t have been Alex, he couldn’t bring himself to linger on the thoughts.

“Who was that?” he asked quietly, but he didn’t expect Alex to know. He was surprised when Alex answered.

“Her name was Frances,” he said, but he didn’t explain further, and Danny knew better than to ask. “I see they covered that up, too. I saw nothing about her being missing.”

“Do you think that means they know you’re still alive?” Danny asked, and Alex nodded.

“Almost certainly.”

They looked at one another for a moment, neither one of them wanting to think about what that meant. Alex let go of Danny’s shoulders, nodding over to the bed.

“You should sit down. You look exhausted.”

Danny hadn’t realised that his exhaustion was clearly written all over him. He slumped down onto the bed, noting how Alex remained standing, his eyes flickering to the door every so often.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Danny asked, and Alex shook his head. “If you are, I want to know,” he added, not quite knowing where the words came from.

“I’m not expecting anyone,” Alex said.

“Then why do you keep looking at the door?”

“I’m nervous,” Alex said, looking back at him. “I know you said you weren’t followed, but I’m nervous that you might have been. That’s all.”

Danny nodded, wanting to leave it at that, but there was something sudden and bitter coiling in the pit of his stomach.

“Alright,” he said, swallowing. “But if it’s anything else, just tell me now. I won’t go anywhere. I won’t cause a fuss. I just want to know.”

“What do you think is going to happen, Danny?” Alex asked, and Danny swallowed again.

“I don’t know,” he said. “But – I don’t know. There’s been a lot of that lately. People telling me one thing only to set me up for something else. I would rather just know. I wouldn’t fight it. I know that at this point there would be nothing I could do to change things, anyway.”

Alex stared at him in silence for a long moment, long enough that Danny found himself squirming under the gaze. He wanted to be certain that he could see something in Alex’s face, something that perhaps looked like guilt, but he didn’t want to pretend he could read Alex anymore. It wasn’t a lie he wanted to continue living.

“I suppose it would be inappropriate to ask you to trust me?” Alex eventually asked, and Danny nodded.

“Yes. It would be.”

Alex nodded, once, stiffly, and turned to the desk, sitting down in front of the computer. Danny watched as he woke the laptop from sleep, seeing on the screen that several windows were open, all overlapping one another.

“This wasn’t how I hoped this would go,” Danny said suddenly, surprising himself.

“I’m sure it isn’t,” Alex said.

“I hoped it would be a bit… I don’t know. Happier, I suppose.”

“You’re probably still surprised.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to see you. I just… there’s a lot.”

“There is.”

“I’m angry at you,” Danny said, surprising himself again, and he wished he could shut up but he didn’t think he would be able to even if he tried.

“That’s understandable,” Alex said, and Danny felt a rush of frustration.

“You’re not even going to try and defend yourself?” he demanded, and Alex twisted in the chair, something sad on his face,

“There is nothing to defend,” he said simply, and Danny sat for a moment in silence, because there was nothing he could say to that.

For several minutes there was no sound aside from Alex’s typing, and Danny remembered back in the early days when Alex would sit at his desk and type and leave him to stay in bed a little longer, half asleep and warm. The thought made something twist inside him and suddenly Danny couldn’t stand the silence. 

“So that’s it, then?” he asked. “You’re not going to explain? You’re just going to drag me out here and then sit there like nothing happened, like I _want_ to be here? Like I’m totally fine with all this? Well, I suppose that’s my fault, isn’t it? I never kicked up a fuss about this before, I suppose you can’t be blamed for assuming that I have no wishes of my own when it comes to this. But you’re not even going to explain? I just have to sit here waiting for you to finish doing god knows what?”

“They were going to kill you tonight,” Alex said, and Danny sat back, stunned.

“What?” he asked. “What? Why? How do you know?”

“I imagine you weren’t shutting up fast enough,” Alex replied. “Not to mention you still have copies of my work. I think they hoped to intimidate you into silence but realised it wasn’t going to work. Also, if they know that I’m still out there – which I believe they do – they might have decided to just do away with you so they could focus on whatever trouble I might be planning for them. I don’t know, but either way, that’s what was going to happen. They would have made it look like a terrible accident, of course. Or a suicide.”

“They’ve already used that,” Danny said darkly, and Alex glanced at him again, scanning his face.

“I heard,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

Danny gave a stiff nod.

“Even so, it might not have stopped them,” Alex continued. “Suicides happen in clusters. If a loved one kills themselves, it isn’t unusual for people in the same social group to follow. I doubt anyone would look too much into it, given what you’ve been through.”

“Not like there’s anyone who would look too much into it,” Danny said, stopping himself from saying anything more. He didn’t want to ruin this by being so bitter.

“Danny,” Alex said, not cruelly, but not sympathetic either. 

“Sorry,” Danny said, and Alex sighed.

“I understand.”

“No, it’s – it’s not just you, Alex. I’m not… well, I am angry at you, but not as angry as I am at other people.” He was close to crying again; blinking rapidly did nothing to hide the fact. “I told Scottie, when I found everything out – or, as much as I could at the time – I told him I loved you anyway and that I wished you could hear me say it. That I didn’t care about any of it. That I loved you, still, that I always would. I said I wished that you could hear me and then I got the chance and I fucking _ruined_ it—”

Alex was next to him then, pulling him closer, and Danny collapsed against him with a hastily muffled sob. He squeezed his eyes closed, fists balled in Alex’s hoodie, his entire body shaking with the effort of staying quiet. 

“I know,” Alex said, his voice soft. “I know you do. I know you mean it.”

“I love you so much,” Danny said, forcing the words past the lump in his throat. “I do. I do! And I don’t care if I’m angry, I don’t care if this is complicated, we’ll work it out. I don’t care. I don’t want to lose you again.”

“It won’t be easy,” Alex said, and Danny knew he was referring to more than just this.

“I know,” he said, sniffing. “I know. I don’t care. Nothing is harder than what’s happened already.”

“You don’t know that.”

“No, I don’t,” Danny said, giving a sudden sigh. “But after everything I’m willing to try.”

“We don’t have much time here,” Alex said, giving Danny a brief squeeze. “If you have anything you need to ask, now’s the time. I know you probably want to take your time, but that’s not something we have.”

“No one’s after us here, are they?” Danny asked, leaning back to look at him, and Alex shook his head.

“No. Or, at least, none that I’ve spotted yet. But this…” Alex pointed over to the laptop. “This is not working out. Not as quickly as I would have hoped.”

“What are you doing?” Danny asked, squinting over at the computer. He hadn’t expected to understand, but something in one of the windows looked incredibly familiar. “That equation. It’s yours. I recognise it. From your work.”

“Yes,” Alex said. 

“You’re trying to rewrite it.”

“I’m trying to organise what I remember.”

“You don’t have to,” Danny said quickly, and he almost laughed as he leaned away from Alex, reaching up and pulling the necklace out from under his shirt. “I have it. I have it here.” 

Alex looked at him, and then down to the flashdrive dangling from Danny’s hand, and then back at Danny again.

“You have it on you,” he said, and Danny nodded, finally letting himself laugh.

“You think I would go anywhere without it?”

“I was going to keep it myself,” Alex said, speaking quickly, the way he always did when he was excited. “I took it with me, when I left the attic – I was going to keep it with me but I thought it would be idiotic. I don’t know why I thought it would be safer with you, but I knew –”

“You knew you’d have to leave everything behind until you got yourself together again,” Danny finished, and Alex nodded.

“Originally I was going to take it, get you, and run,” he said. “But things didn’t work out that way. I knew you would find it.”

“Of course I would,” Danny said, smiling. “Scottie used to tell me I was far too romantic for my own good, but when it comes to things like this, it’s useful. You know I would go back to all those places we went. You knew I’d be looking for things. You knew I’d be looking for meaning.”

Alex nodded, and Danny couldn’t help but laugh again. He had been looking for meaning, hadn’t he? He had been looking for it in everything and he had found it – how could he be angry at Alex because the journey took him in a different direction than the one he had expected? It had still left him in the same position: surer than ever that he loved Alex more than anything. Hadn’t that been what he wanted? Proof that what they had had been special? And now they were here, the two of them against the world. What more proof did he need?

“No more secrets,” he told him. “Not about this. Not about any of this. It’s the two of us now. If they’re after me, if I can’t go back – and even if I could, I wouldn’t. I want to help. You have to let me help.”

Alex nodded again, and Danny finally let himself trust him.


End file.
